Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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