Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
