sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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