My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
