well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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