Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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