That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
