I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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