But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
