There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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