The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she told me i tasted like america
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
