I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
