While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up under a house in Key West
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize