I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
