I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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