You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
