the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
