If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
