Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
