quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am available for nakedness
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
