Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have fence marks all over my body
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
