you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
