please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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