Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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