There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
