Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
