wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
there was a trapeze. enough said
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
