I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
