So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
