i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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