im six kinds of drunk right now
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
