this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
