When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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