True but thats because hes a fetus.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
