I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
