my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
