I showed him my bush... on skype.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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