Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
