: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
