ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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