It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
