Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
