p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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