and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
