were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
