You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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