i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
