I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
