so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
