Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
