Nicole vs. Life
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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