Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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