Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
