It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
