I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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