hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
