I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
