We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
