i would punch a child for taco bell
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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