Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
