So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
