census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
