Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
